What? You thought it was over?

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The Renovation is alive and well! By now, you’ve noticed that I’m terrible at keeping this site updated, but this time I had a reason. I was busy discovering myself (minds out of the gutter, please). As you know, I’ve been getting reacquainted with myself for some time now and to be honest, this has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Being completely honest with myself and others about what I want is something that I was out of practice with and its pretty scary.

The last time I wrote (about three months ago) I was just about to begin an internship at Chef’s Eric Culinary Classroom. Chef Eric and his wife Jennie are a wonderfully driven pair and it took a few hours in their presence and amongst their dream to realize that I don’t have the drive, desire or fortitude to make a career in the culinary industry work. Honestly, this pair is the epitome of work ethic. In the very first class I was plugging along when a thought from deep within stopped me, “What the *&^%$! are you doing?”. In that moment I felt like I was awaken from a trance because when I looked down at myself in a chef’s jacket trimming basil, I felt out of place and embarrassed. Embarrassed? What the hell?!?! I shook it off and continued on and over the next few weeks that feeling would return and it began to make feel ridiculously out of place each time I had a new culinary project. Being myself, I ignored it. I mean, what was I supposed to do when everyone around me was so genuinely interested in what I was doing? I felt an obligation to be chipper and to share the zany stories that I thought my friends and family expected to hear. But I secretly missed working in an office and more and more I began to long for the days of feeling like I knew exactly where I belonged and what I was doing. Over time it finally occurred to me that I’d traded one hamster wheel for another.

I quietly decided to end my culinary career. Not immediately mind you, there were still (and still are) projects to be done and people to feed. (I’m finishing a project for Jennie Cooks and still have a cooking class to lead) My problem isn’t with working in an office – I’m really good at my job and happen to enjoy it. No the problem was that my last job was no longer working for me. I hated feeling like being a mother was a liability and I longed to be a place where I felt like I mattered. Simple, right? Not so much, but I was determined to find a place where I belonged… A new home.

Alas, I’ll have to finish this story another time. The kiddos are awake and there are breakfasts to be made, faces to be washed, and freeways to speed on ahead of me. I’ve got some exciting things to share so get ready to reinvest some time into reading about my journey. Viva la Revolucíon!

 

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